Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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