Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
