omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
