why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
