you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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