Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
