Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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