He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
