Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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