if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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