Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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