You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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