quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
