take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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