i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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