WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
