Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
