normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
