shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the day after is always just damage control
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
