apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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