the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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