Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
