I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
