Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
