What did we do last night that was yellow?
barbara walters just said penis...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
