Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
