She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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