it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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