Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
