my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
