question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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