Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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