I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
