He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
