You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
