a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.