careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.