I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
