i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.