We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.