Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.

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  (804): i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick. http://tfl.nu/aodk
  Replies (2) Good night (1698) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

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  (609): My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well. http://tfl.nu/p8ga
  Replies (13) Good night (861) Bad night (2891)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.

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  (701): The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night. http://tfl.nu/22ub
  Replies (12) Good night (930) Bad night (3775)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom

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  (574): Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom http://tfl.nu/tatf
  Replies (32) Good night (806) Bad night (3693)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives

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  (703): then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives http://tfl.nu/iy6u
  Replies (8) Good night (4040) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes

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  (410): i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes http://tfl.nu/11ee
  Replies (13) Good night (2169) Bad night (3088)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

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  (406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556
  Replies (18) Good night (6525) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (+25): View more from

  We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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  (+25): We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them? http://tfl.nu/7ecx
  Replies (9) Good night (951) Bad night (2594)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not

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  (909): I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not http://tfl.nu/br11
  Replies (10) Good night (1588) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend

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  (478): Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend http://tfl.nu/itrv
  Replies (4) Good night (1182) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can vaginas get frostbite?

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  (757): Can vaginas get frostbite? http://tfl.nu/ne3s
  Replies (12) Good night (517) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.

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  (917): hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now. http://tfl.nu/iew9
  Replies (1) Good night (1409) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.

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  (402): I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it. http://tfl.nu/oran
  Replies (6) Good night (899) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.

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  (717): So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA. http://tfl.nu/qkjv
  Replies (3) Good night (1175) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.

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  (651): Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain. http://tfl.nu/p4di
  Replies (9) Good night (315) Bad night (892)

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