Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.

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  (281): I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in. http://tfl.nu/ql5b
  Replies (15) Good night (3731) Bad night (568)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

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  (910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg
  Replies (18) Good night (8327) Bad night (1032)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

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  (954): Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship http://tfl.nu/znld
  Replies (8) Good night (1356) Bad night (3643)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you

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  (832): you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you http://tfl.nu/7l95
  Replies (9) Good night (792) Bad night (3245)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient

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  (646): Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient http://tfl.nu/jyiu
  Replies (29) Good night (1268) Bad night (5401)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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  (214): Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures. http://tfl.nu/dcpy
  Replies (11) Good night (2523) Bad night (988)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine

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  (214): I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine http://tfl.nu/8nsa
  Replies (5) Good night (1796) Bad night (705)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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  (240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb
  Replies (7) Good night (2405) Bad night (671)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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  (414): I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants. http://tfl.nu/xbe1
  Replies (6) Good night (1361) Bad night (1208)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face

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  (215): Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face http://tfl.nu/pn9h
  Replies (2) Good night (557) Bad night (374)
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.

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  (707): Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready. http://tfl.nu/moy8
  Replies (13) Good night (1471) Bad night (606)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.

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  (678): So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch. http://tfl.nu/2vud
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (293)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?

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  (320): how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back? http://tfl.nu/ycg3
  Replies (13) Good night (952) Bad night (274)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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  (623): My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today. http://tfl.nu/qhq3
  Replies (16) Good night (389) Bad night (1120)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.

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  (717): For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point. http://tfl.nu/kshm
  Replies (0) Good night (582) Bad night (283)

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