my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating