I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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