you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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