Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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