plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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