theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
