He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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