I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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