I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
