she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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