woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just cropdusted the office
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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