Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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