We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
