I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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