I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
