I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
