forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
