So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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