I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
