You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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