Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
