Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
