It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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