The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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