just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize