So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
