Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
