after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
