I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
