he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
