Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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