are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
